Sexual assault survivors can sometimes go unsupported for a long time. In this post we will explore how to get help after the incident and how you can support a friend or family member that has been sexually assaulted.

The British Columbia Ministry of Justice suggests steps to take if you need help after a Sexual Assault (refer to What Counts As Rape for more information on the definition fo sexual assault):

• If the sexual assault has just occurred, go to a safe place.
• If you are in immediate danger or need urgent medical attention, contact the police or ambulance services, by calling 911 or the emergency number for your community.
• Tell someone you trust what happened. If a friend or family member can provide emotional support or help you in practical ways, ask for help.
•  Contact a victim service program by calling VictimLink BC at 1-800-563-0808. A victim service worker can help you directly and can also refer you to other community agencies.
• Go to a hospital, a walk-in clinic, or your doctor for a medical examination and treatment as soon as possible after a sexual assault. Even if the sexual assault is not recent, it may be important to go for a checkup. For more information on Sexual Assault Services, go to C.A.R.D’s resource page and click on “Information about Rape Kits”. 
• If you want to report to the police and the situation is not urgent (e.g., the sexual assault is not recent you are not in danger), call the non-emergency number for police in your community.
• If you have questions about sexual assault, or your rights, don’t hesitate to ask a victim service worker.

It can be incredibly hard for survivors of sexual assault to come forward with their stories, so as a friend or family member it is crucial to be supportive and non-judgemental during this time.  RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline staff recommend to be supportive through a survivor’s healing process. Here are some phrases that their staff suggest to support the survivor:

• “I believe you. / It took a lot of courage to tell me about this.” 
• “It’s not your fault. / You didn’t do anything to deserve this.” 
• “You are not alone. / I care about you and am here to listen or help in any way I can.”
• “I’m sorry this happened. / This shouldn’t have happened to you.”

HealthPartners blog offers some things you SHOULD NOT say to a survivor:

• Don’t say “I can’t believe that person would do such a thing.” It implies you do not believe the sexual assault occurred.
• Do not ask for details.
• Don’t try to “fix it.”
• Don’t minimize it.
• Don’t ask “why” questions. They are interpreted as blaming. Fear of being blamed is a huge part of why victims/survivors do not seek help.

Recovery is a long process, so ongoing support is often necessary. We would like to offer some tips on how to help the survivor:

• Avoid judgment. 
• Check in periodically.
• Be patient.
• Know your resources. You can visit C.A.R.D’s resource page for more information. 

Finally, we want to remind you that even though it can be hard and upsetting to hear about a loved one’s sexual assault, it is important to remember that this is their journey. You can encourage them to be safe and get help, but ultimately it is their decision to take the next steps. As a support person, sometimes the best and only thing you can do is listen.